Baby Loss Awareness Week invites us to reflect on the many forms of loss that often remain unseen.
Baby Loss Awareness Week is from 9–15 October 2026. I want to shine a light on abortion. Many women and men experience their loss as disenfranchised, grief.
Coined by grief expert Kenneth Doka (1989), disenfranchised grief describes the pain people feel when their loss is not openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly supported.
The 2023 abortion figures for England and Wales (Abortion statistics, England, and Wales: 2023 – GOV.UK) recorded 277,970 abortions, the highest number since the Abortion Act was introduced in 1969. Numbers have risen consistently since 2021.
But what is behind these numbers?
Ninety-eight percent of abortions were carried out under Ground C: the broad category recognising that continuing a pregnancy would pose a greater risk to a woman’s physical or mental health than ending it.
Ground C doesn’t tell us about the soul‑searching, heart‑rending decision that precedes an abortion. It doesn’t tell us about families stretched too thin by financial or housing insecurity. It doesn’t tell us about the woman navigating illness, or the one rebuilding her life after trauma, or the couple who love each other deeply but know the timing isn’t right. It doesn’t tell us about women who have been pressured or coerced by partners or family members, nor about those who have become pregnant through sexual assault.
Recent research by Pregnancy Crisis Helpline found that 16% of their enquiries indicated coercion by a partner or family member. As 55% of messages gave no reason for contact, it is possible the true figure is even higher.
And then there are the 1% of abortions under Ground E, where a serious foetal anomaly has been diagnosed. These decisions are made in the shadow of grief, often after weeks of hope and anticipation.
These are not simply medical events or flippant choices — they are losses. They deserve to be spoken about, acknowledged, and validated. Each one represents mixed circumstances, pressures, hopes, fears, and values. Often the decision is made thoughtfully, sometimes painfully, and almost always with the intention of protecting one’s health, stability, or family.
The impact of disenfranchised grief
Because abortion is often framed as a personal choice, the loss is not always acknowledged or given space. Women may feel isolated in their grief. Whilst many may feel relief initially, it is rarely that simple. Beneath relief can sit a whole range of emotions — and grief is always unique.
There may be guilt, especially if the decision clashes with ethical, cultural, or moral values. There may be shame, rooted in fear of judgement or the belief that they could have done something different. There may be regret, even when the woman knows it was the right choice for her. And there is often sadness — for what might have been, for what is lost.
And let’s not forget men. They may feel all the same emotions. They grieve too and may feel even more isolated. Cultural expectations that men should be strong, stoic, or unemotional can deepen that isolation.
Some people may experience no grief at all, and this is valid too.
Seeking support
As counsellors, we meet people in the quiet aftermath of these choices. We hear the complexity that statistics cannot hold. We witness the courage it takes to make a decision that aligns with one’s life, even when it is hard. And we offer space — free of judgement — where the human story behind the numbers can finally be spoken aloud.
There is support for you, whether female or male, through many charitable organisations or private counselling. You are not alone.
Support organisations:
Abortion Recovery Care & Helpline (ARCH) was started with women who experienced abortion and struggled in the aftermath. They are dedicated to promoting the emotional and psychological well-being of women, men, and families after an abortion by the provision of counselling and supportive help. Home | ARCH
Abortion Talk, a UK charity committed to fighting abortion stigma. Whether you’ve accessed abortion services, are thinking about it, or work in abortion care, we’re here to support you. We make space for the conversations that make people feel heard, valued, and help them find the support they want and need. Abortion support services | Abortion Talk
Pregnancy Crisis Helpline Home | Pregnancy Crisis Helpline
Baby Loss Awareness Week – you can find out more here: Baby Loss Awareness Week – Break the silence around baby loss
For private counselling there are directories of registered, qualified therapists where you can search for a counsellor:
British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy
Counselling Directory - Find a Counsellor Near You
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