Loss and grief are something that all of us will experience at some point in our lives. It can’t be avoided. There are common misconceptions around grief that can get in the way of healing after loss. These myths frequently emerge in my counselling room, as clients begin to explore and express their grief.  My wish, by busting some of these myths, is that you find hope, healing and peace after loss.

Myth: Grief last about 6 months to a year and then I’ll feel better.

Reality: This is a common misconception often reinforced by comments like: ‘it’s been months, you should be over it by now’. There is no timescale on grief. It is different for everyone. It is important to take the time you need to process your grief as no two people grieve the same.

Myth: Grief is linear and follows distinct stages.

Reality: Whilst there may be shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression these are not linear. You may experience all of these, some of them, or none of them. What is important is that you allow yourself to grieve in your own way, without comparing yourself to others. All of your feelings are valid.

Myth: If you don’t cry you are not grieving in the right way.

Reality: Not everyone cries Some people find crying is not a familiar response, or are governed by cultural norms which may mean crying is inappropriate. There are many ways to express sadness crying is just one of them.

Myth: Moving on mean I may forget the deceased.

Reality: Moving on is different for everyone. It does not mean forgetting the person who has died. It is about learning to live a full and happy life as you miss the person you have lost. Finding ways to live whilst still honouring the memory of your loved one is part of the grieving process. Going on with your life does not mean you will forget or stopping loving the person you lost. It is OK to move forward at a pace you feel comfortable with.

Myth: People need therapy to recover from grief

Reality: Bereavement, grief is inevitable, and something we all face at some point in our lives. Therapy is often not required. However, some people find that counselling helps them to process their grief, particularly if emotions are long lasting, get in the way of day-to-day life or if low mood and depression set in. Remember that seeking support is a strength and not a weakness.

These are just a few of the many myths around grief. Remember to process your grief in your own way, time, and not compare yourself to others. It is unique to each of us. If you do feel you would like to talk to someone that is a positive step in the grieving process, a strength and not a weakness.